call of duty
by killeraccounts
Summary: task force members talk shit to one another on a normal day
1. chapter 1

WARNING !!! I OWN ZERO RIGHTS TO THIS GAME SO PLEASE DONT ASK LOL

Hope yall enjoy

Rough Day

Today was fine until we had roll call with our lieutenant Simeon Ghost riley. Captain Mactavish and Captain Price on the other hand was coming late. Last time i heard mactavish had paperwork to attend to.

Ghost: You bloody yanks better pay attention. Captain Mactavish and Captain Price should be joining us in a bit. As of right now i need to make sure that all of you bloody muppets are here. So listen up for your names.

Ghost: Scarecrow ?

Scarecrow: Here sir.

Ghost: Ozone ?

Ozone: Here sir.

Ghost: Toad ?

Toad: Yes sir. I mean here sir.

Ghost: hmm ... are you sure you belong here mate ??

Toad: What do you mean sir ??

Ghost: "A solider with that kind of name belongs in a pond.

 _Everyone laughed_

Ghost: " Oi. You bloody yanks names aren't any better. Like roach for example. What kind of pest like yourself doing in the task force anyways ?? he asked.

Roach: The name is Gary Sanderson.

Ghost: Right. And its Sir to you bug.

Roach: Sir. he said getting annoyed.

Ghost countined calling the soldiers name until he heard mactavish and price coming up from behind him.

Mactavish: "Wow ghost. Didnt think you'd be able to pull something like this off.

Ghost: Ya.Well your just lucky these muppets showed up on time.

Price: To right mate.

Mactavish: Ok ladies you know the drill. Head over to the shooting range. I'll be testing you on your shooting today. Dont worry its not timed so you'll be fine. Whatever you do dont aim down your sights at ghost. he laughed.

Ghost: You heard Soap.. i mean the Captain. he nudge mactavish as he passed him with a smile on his face.

Mactavish: "Cheeky bastard.

After 2 hrs had passed and the testing was done the 141 members headed towards the mess hall for some chow.

Meat: Hey Bug!! he said tapping roach on the shoulder.

Roach: What is it Meat ?

Meat: When was the last time you had sex ??

Everyone froze including roach. He even choked on a piece of meat that he was eating. As usual Ghost, Mactavish and Price were listening but not paying attention.

Roach: What ?? he choked out.

Meat: " I said when was the last time you had sex ? he said again widely grinning.

Roach:" None of your damn business meat. Leave me alone.

Meat: " Aw cmon man i was just kidding. he chuckled.

Royce: He's probably still a virgin. he said laughing with meat joining him in laughter.

Roach: "Fuck you guys.

Archer: " Dont pay them no attention Roach.

Toad: "Yea roach who needs em.

Peasant: I've got an idea. How about we play a game ?

Meat: " And what game is that ? Hide your mothers panties. meat and royce broke into laughter once again.

Peasant: How about who ever catches the meat and cooks him first ? he said with a smirk on his face.

Roach: "You guys are really weird.

Meat: "The first fucker that touches me will get Sucker punched.

Peasant: I wonder by whom.

Meat: By me asshole.

Peasant: Oh im sooo scared. he laughed.

Royce: Give it a break peasant.

Scarecrow: Sometimes i wonder if you two are banging each other by the way your always up each other asses 24/7.

Meat: Is that why you and archer are always working together ?

 _They laughed_

Royce: Fuck you Scarecrow. Why dont you go back to your corn field.

Scarecrow: Aww did your feelings get hurt ??

Archer: " I'd bet money on that one scarecrow. And for your information meat. We are scout snipers. We dont be up each others asses 24/7 Like you two.

Peasant: Royce how does meat's shit smell ?

 _They laughed_

Chemo: Someone should shove a stick up their asses so they can walk straighter.

Royce: Fuck you Chemo. Peasant go back to being a chauffeur or a waitress you fucking dick.

Meat: Chemo you look a turd that crawled out the pit of someones ass.

 _Laughter_

Chemo: And you look like something i ate last night.

Meat : Oh yea ? and whats that ?

Chemo: A pussy.

 _They all laughed again_

Price: Alright. Enough of that you two.

Meat: He started it first Sir.

Chemo: Just finishing what you started meat.

Mactavish on the other hand was getting annoyed. But the 141 members kept on going.

Peasant: Royce you look so ugly that your mother decided to give you up at birth.

 _Laughter_

Royce: Peasant no wonder your parents put you up for adoption.

Chemo: Royce your so dumb that when the captain told you to read out loud you started burping out the Alphabet.

 _laughter_

Mactavish: I can hear you guys you know. he said irriated.

Chemo: Sorry sir. I had to throw that one out there. he smiled.

Toad : Whats wrong meat ? your looking a little pinkish. he laughed.

Ozone: How about we throw him on the grill ?

Archer: Maybe add some seasoning for flavor.

 _Laughter_

Meat: Fuck you guys.

Peasant: What about filling up a plastic bag with some shit and throwing it at their windows ?

Scarecrow: Fuck yeah man. Lets do it.

Mactavish: No your not.

Peasant: It was a joke Sir.

 _Mactavish just hummed in agreement._

Roach: You guys are fucking sick. he said chuckling.

Chemo: Hey. They asked for it Roach.

Meat: All of you can kiss my Pink ass.

Chemo: That's never gonna happen Meaty. he laughed

Peasant: Yeah you wish.

Royce : How about you two just Shut the fuck up already. Im sick of your shit.

Chemo: Whatever, get the fuck over it you fucking pussy.

Royce: HEY FUCK YOU !!

Mactavish: ENOUGH !!

 _Everyone was quiet_.

Mactavish: Shouldnt you guys be outside doing anything besides annoy me all day.

 _Silence_

Mactavish: You lots have nothing better to do besides tell stupid bloody jokes on each other. Well guess what lads ? i have a little something that all of you will enjoy. he smiled.

 _Silence._

Mactavish: Roach and Archer you can clean the bathrooms. Toad , Ozone and Chemo can clean the vehicles. Peasant and Scarecrow move the ammo crates and set up new target sheets in the shooting range. Meat and Royce you guys can go help Nikolai with the pavelow. By the way thats a big fucking plane. Are there any questions ?

 _Silence_

Mactavish: Excellent !!! Your all Dismissed.

 _With that he left the mess hall leaving the group speechless on what had just_ _happened._

Archer: Well shit. Lets get started then eh Roach ?

Roach: Alright. It was getting pretty boring in here anyways.

Meat: Thanks alot chemo. You fucking ass. You got us all in trouble.

Chemo: Hey its not my fault you wouldnt shut up Meat.

Royce : Drop it you guys. Come on Meat we gotta go help Nikolai.

Meat : Fuck...Fine.

Ozone: I guess we got the the vechicles right Chemo ?

Chemo : Yea man. Lets go before Mactavish comes back.

Scarecrow: Well see you guys later. Were off to the shooting range.

Peasant: Right behind you Scarecrow.

 _Not A good day for the 141_


	2. 2

**MESSING WITH GHO** **ST**

We all decided to head over to the lake on our free time. Of course our favorite Lieutnant was there to keep an eye on us. And to make sure we werent getting into any trouble. But little did he know things were about to get real ugly.

Ghost: "You bloody bastards better not make me regret bringing you out here.

Meat: You wont regret it ghost

he said laughing before jumping in the lake.

Chemo: I could really get use to this. he said

Ghost: Get used to what ?? acting like a wild chicken with its head gut off.

Chemo: No sir. What i mean how ever is getting used to this enviroment. he replied smartly.

If anything ghost hated the most was the fact that chemo was so damn smart. Everything ghost had thrown at him even if it was harsh or playful chemo would just knock it out like it wasnt nothing. And ghost just couldnt stand it sometimes. Its different when he's talking to meat though. Meat's clumsy and annoying.

Archer: "WOAH !! hang on there toad. The water has to be at room tempature for you. he said jokinly

 _Laughter_

Toad: Fuck you Archer.

Meat: hey hey hey there wont be any fucking unless there's someone sister involved. he said

Scarecrow: Ok then meat. How about your sister ? i hear shes quite lovely mate.

Meat: In your dreams pal. My sister is off limits.

Royce: What about your mother ??

 _Meat slapped the back of royce head_

Meat: She's off limits to.

Archer: Roach why are you so quiet ?

Meat: Yeah bug whats on your mind huh ?? Are you thinking about fucking someones sister. he said poking him.

Roach: No. Get the fuck away from me Meat. How about we pull a prank on ghost. Maybe we can throw him in the lake while he's asleep.

Royce: Catchy ...but whats in it for us ?

Roach: I'll give who ever can throw ghost into the lake some money.

Meat: How much money are we talking about ??

Roach: $50.

Meat: Nope.

Roach: $70 ?

Meat: Higher.

Roach: Fine $100 and thats it Meat. Take it or leave it.

Royce: And what happens if we lose ?

Roach: Then you have to do my Chores for a week.

Meat: DEAL !! your so on roachy.

Royce: Fine deal. But if we win you have to do our chores for 2 weeks straight.

Roach: Fine

Royce: Ok. Be perpared to lose that $100 bug. Lets go meat.

Scarecrow , Archer , Toad , Chemo and Roach watched as Meat and Royce went near Ghost. He was sleeping under a tree with a magazine in his hands. He looked peaceful.

Toad: Do you think they can pull it off mate ?

Archer: Nah. $5 says ghost is gonna wake up and chase them through the barracks in no time.

Chemo: Your so on man.

Scarecrow: Im betting to.

Archer: Roach ?? are you in ??

Roach: Sure why no...

 _But roach was cut off due to Ghost Yelling_

Ghost: BLOODY WANKERS !!! PUT ME DOWN NOW !

Meat and Royce were having to much fun with picking ghost up and carrying him over to the lake. Just before they could throw him in he elbows Meat in the rib and kicks Royce in the stomach.

Royce: You dont have to be so voilent Ghost.

Ghost: "COME BACK HERE. he yelled while chasing them.

 _Laughter_

Toad: Bloody hell. Look at them clowns run. he laughed while falling to the floor.

Archer and toad just looked at each other. Chemo was back in lake by himself and Roach.. well Roach was watching the chase.

After meat and royce disapeared out of ghost sight he came stomping his way back to the rest of the squad near the lake. Roach seen the blues in Ghost eyes turn icy blue. He knew that ghost was pissed.

Ghost:" WHO THE BLOODY HELL IDEA IT WAS TO THROW ME INTO THE LAKE !!! he yelled

 _Everybody pointed at roach_

Ghost: Get your bloody arse up bug.

Roach: Sir ?

Ghost: NOW !!

Toad: Roach is getting in trouble. he said laughing again.

Ghost: So. It was your idea to play this little prank eh ?

Roach: Yes sir.

Ghost: And why is that ?

Roach: We got bored.

Ghost: I DONT BLOODY CARE IF YOU WERE BORED ROACH !!

Roach: If you didnt care then why did you ask ?? he said snarkly.

Ghost eye began to twitch. He was about to beat the living dead out of roach. Until mactavish and price walked in.They basically saved him an ass whooping.

Mactavish: Whats going on in here ?

Roach: Nothing i was just on my way out.

Ghost: No your not. Roach decided to play a little prank on me while i was sleeping. The bloody bastard didnt think i would catch onto his little act while doing so.

Price: hmm interesting.

Ghost: What should i do with him sir ??

Mactavish stared at roach and then back at ghost.

Mactavish: Do whatever you want to him ghost. Just dont get blood stains on my new chair. Cheers. And he walked out.

Roach: P...p ...price. he said nervously

Price: Sorry roach. You've brought this on yourself mate. Dont hurt him to bad ghost.

Ghost: Cant make any promises sir.

 _And price left to go find mactavish_

Ghost: What should your punishment be Roach ?

Roach: Dont hurt me Ghost. I'll clean the mess hall.

Ghost: Nope. Thats to easy. I have something else that i want you to do.

 _When ghost turned around to pick up something from the table roach snatched off his balaclava and ran outside with it._

Roach: "THE BRITISH ARE COMING !! THE BRITISH ARE COMING !!

Ghost: ROACH !!!! YOUR A DEAD MAN YOU BLOODY BASTARD!!! ghost said going after him.

Price: Soap ?

Mactavish: What is it Price ?

Price: I know we were only trying to scare the lad. But shouldn't you brake it up now ??

Mactavish took one last sip of his bitter black coffee before replying.

Mactavish: No.

 ** _Hope yall liked it_**


End file.
